If you’re going to be great at sports, you’re going to need a memorable, chantable nickname. But where to start? Here’s some inspirational from some of the greatest monikers in sporting history:
FAVOURITE CRISP: Perhaps the most well-known nickname in UK cricket belongs to mulleted cricketer Ian ‘Beefy’ Botham. A big fan of Monster Munch, Ian would often demolish 3-4 bags of the Roast Beef variety before every game (sometimes during), earning him the name…and his own private changing room (due to smell).
HOBBIES: When skateboarding legend Tony ‘The Birdman’ Hawk needed a nickname, he looked to his other hobby: Pigeon Fancying. Sharing his time equally between ‘popping ollies’ and caring for over 50 ‘flying rats’, the name would perfectly reflect his favourite pastime. An ironic hobby for a man named Hawk: an animal that would rip the carcass of a pigeon like a pinata given the chance.
FAVOURITE FILM: When Stuart ‘Psycho’ Pearce got his nickname, many fans presumed it was because of his very public love of the movies of Alfred Hitchcock. Only the players on his team knew the real reason: at the end of a game, Stuart would always carry a large breadknife into the shower.
SPONSORSHIP: If you were born before 1984, chances are you grew up without learning two important bits of information: a/ Michael Jordan was about to take the world by storm with his phenomenal basketballetry b/ as humans, we need oxygen to breathe. In a bid to get people to understand the latter, the US government sponsored Michael to take on the classic name ‘The Air’.
COMMIT A CRIME THAT IS A PUN OF YOUR NAME: What came first, the chicken or the egg? When Scottish footballer ‘Duncan Disorderly’ Ferguson took a few too many drinks before climbing into a Renault, fans questioned just that – did he do it because Jaegerbombs, or for the nickname? One thing was for sure – he’d joined a long line of rhyming, criming sportspeople (see ‘Betty Theft’ Harrisonand ‘Ian Decent-Exposure’ Smith).
I’m scouring the web at the moment, looking for some bizarre sports. And found this wonder: SPORTHOCKING.
Basically, it’s Parkour but with a small stool. To be honest, I watched the youtube video without any sound (I’ve lost my headphones…don’t have time to explain right now), but from what I gather, it entails doing a gymnastic move from a bollard whilst flipping a plastic stool between your legs. Each move ends seated, making this sport at least 25% resting – a great percentage in my book.
Although a bit more physical than other sports that involve stools (fishing, hiking, watching fishing or hiking), it’ll certainly give me something to do next time I’m bashing around IKEA.
NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS is a new circus-comedy night at The Aeronaut on Saturday 2nd June.
Come join me and a gobsmackingly good line-up, as I celebrate champions on and off the stage. With jawdropping circus, real-life record breakers, audience prizes and a large sprinkling of silliness, it’s set to be a wild and wonderful party.
Meet the CHAMPIONS:
Gentleman juggler TOM GASKIN! Able to manipulate everyday objects with style and flair, his nimble fingers will spin your mind like one of his little red boxes! Meet more heroes THIS SATURDAY at the first ever NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS – a new circus-comedy show at @aeronautacton.
Hilarious hula-hooping dynamo JESS LOVE! A multi-skilled circus performer and fearless clown, she’s toured the world with La Soiree, Circa and La Clique, to name but a few. Not only that, but in 2009 she broke the world record for most hula-hoops hula’d at once, which makes her the perfect addition to our team of winners.
Brainbending contortionist CLAUDIA HUGHES! Another world record holder and named ‘Britain’s Bendiest Woman’, this flexible female is the star of both silver and small screens everywhere. She’s even got the power to render Eamonn Holmes speechless, making her a true hero in our books. Unleashing her secret comedy alter-ego for us tonight, you could even call her a superhero…
AND…International cabaret superstar REUBEN KAYE! The rib-crackingly funny, jaw-droppingly filthy and glamorously glittery powerhouse joins us ahead of a run of hot-tipped solo shows at Soho Theatre and hosting the epic Club Swizzle at the Roundhouse. You’ll have seen his face all over London – come and see it in the rubbery flesh! Plus, his eyelashes alone are the longest in showbiz, meaning he’s the kind of champ we want on our team.
G’day sports! Unless you’ve been living under a heavy carpet for the last two months, you probably know that I’ve been in Waustralia (West Australia). And while I didn’t bring many physical treats back with me (aside from a mint Tim Tam that made it’s way into the lining of my gilet), I did carry these: two 5 star reviews and a nomination for the Best Comedy Award 2018!
To many, a nomination means much more than a win. It’s a starting block for improvement; an invitation to become better; the spark under a self-development firework. Plus, in the future I’ll just make the ‘nominated’ bit a smaller font, so everyone’s a winner.