If you’re going to be great at sports, you’re going to need a memorable, chantable nickname. But where to start? Here’s some inspirational from some of the greatest monikers in sporting history:

  1. FAVOURITE CRISP: Perhaps the most well-known nickname in UK cricket belongs to mulleted cricketer Ian ‘Beefy’ Botham. A big fan of Monster Munch, Ian would often demolish 3-4 bags of the Roast Beef variety before every game (sometimes during), earning him the name…and his own private changing room (due to smell).
  2. HOBBIES: When skateboarding legend Tony ‘The Birdman’ Hawk needed a nickname, he looked to his other hobby: Pigeon Fancying. Sharing his time equally between ‘popping ollies’ and caring for over 50 ‘flying rats’, the name would perfectly reflect his favourite pastime. An ironic hobby for a man named Hawk: an animal that would rip the carcass of a pigeon like a pinata given the chance.
  3. FAVOURITE FILM: When Stuart ‘Psycho’ Pearce got his nickname, many fans presumed it was because of his very public love of the movies of Alfred Hitchcock. Only the players on his team knew the real reason: at the end of a game, Stuart would always carry a large breadknife into the shower.
  4. SPONSORSHIP: If you were born before 1984, chances are you grew up without learning two important bits of information: a/ Michael Jordan was about to take the world by storm with his phenomenal basketballetry b/ as humans, we need oxygen to breathe. In a bid to get people to understand the latter, the US government sponsored Michael to take on the classic name ‘The Air’.
  5. COMMIT A CRIME THAT IS A PUN OF YOUR NAME: What came first, the chicken or the egg? When Scottish footballer ‘Duncan Disorderly’ Ferguson took a few too many drinks before climbing into a Renault, fans questioned just that – did he do it because Jaegerbombs, or for the nickname? One thing was for sure – he’d joined a long line of rhyming, criming sportspeople (see ‘Betty Theft’ Harrison and ‘Ian Decent-Exposure’ Smith).

Good luck coming up with your own!


LONDONERS! I’ve got 3 more full previews of SPORTS FOR THE UNSPORTY before I take it up to Edinburgh in August. Here’s the ticket links:
SUN 8th JULY @ International Youth Arts Festival, Kingston, KT1 1HL:
It’d be lovely to see you there! 🏆


I’m scouring the web at the moment, looking for some bizarre sports. And found this wonder: SPORTHOCKING.

Basically, it’s Parkour but with a small stool. To be honest, I watched the youtube video without any sound (I’ve lost my headphones…don’t have time to explain right now), but from what I gather, it entails doing a gymnastic move from a bollard whilst flipping a plastic stool between your legs. Each move ends seated, making this sport at least 25% resting – a great percentage in my book.

Although a bit more physical than other sports that involve stools (fishing, hiking, watching fishing or hiking), it’ll certainly give me something to do next time I’m bashing around IKEA.

Find out more about SPORTHOCKING here:


I put together a playlist for NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS. It’s made up of all my favourite 80’s motivational tracks. If you like power ballads and sports movie soundtracks, I think you’ll like it:

Just stick it on next time you’re at the gym, in a knife-fight or at fighter jet training camp.


NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS is a new circus-comedy night at The Aeronaut on Saturday 2nd June.

Come join me and a gobsmackingly good line-up, as I celebrate champions on and off the stage. With jawdropping circus, real-life record breakers, audience prizes and a large sprinkling of silliness, it’s set to be a wild and wonderful party.


Gentleman juggler TOM GASKIN! Able to manipulate everyday objects with style and flair, his nimble fingers will spin your mind like one of his little red boxes! Meet more heroes THIS SATURDAY at the first ever NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS – a new circus-comedy show at @aeronautacton.

Hilarious hula-hooping dynamo JESS LOVE! A multi-skilled circus performer and fearless clown, she’s toured the world with La Soiree, Circa and La Clique, to name but a few. Not only that, but in 2009 she broke the world record for most hula-hoops hula’d at once, which makes her the perfect addition to our team of winners.

Brainbending contortionist CLAUDIA HUGHES! Another world record holder and named ‘Britain’s Bendiest Woman’, this flexible female is the star of both silver and small screens everywhere. She’s even got the power to render Eamonn Holmes speechless, making her a true hero in our books. Unleashing her secret comedy alter-ego for us tonight, you could even call her a superhero…

AND…International cabaret superstar REUBEN KAYE! The rib-crackingly funny, jaw-droppingly filthy and glamorously glittery powerhouse joins us ahead of a run of hot-tipped solo shows at Soho Theatre and hosting the epic Club Swizzle at the Roundhouse. You’ll have seen his face all over London – come and see it in the rubbery flesh! Plus, his eyelashes alone are the longest in showbiz, meaning he’s the kind of champ we want on our team.

All that and ME, of course!

Tickets are available by clicking HERE.


G’day sports! Unless you’ve been living under a heavy carpet for the last two months, you probably know that I’ve been in Waustralia (West Australia). And while I didn’t bring many physical treats back with me (aside from a mint Tim Tam that made it’s way into the lining of my gilet), I did carry these: two 5 star reviews and a nomination for the Best Comedy Award 2018!

To many, a nomination means much more than a win. It’s a starting block for improvement; an invitation to become better; the spark under a self-development firework. Plus, in the future I’ll just make the ‘nominated’ bit a smaller font, so everyone’s a winner.


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Who says your 9-to-5 has to be all work and no play? With these office-based sports, you can get the best of both worlds and become the champion you were born to be.

1. SPOT THE DIFFERENCE (Two or more players)
Player A leaves the room, and the others then quickly work to swap or remove items on that persons deskspace. When they return they must correctly guess what has changed. If they spot all the differences, they win!

SPORTS TIPS: Increase the intensity of the game by not telling Player A beforehand. If they correctly guess all items without losing their cool, they win!

2. CHER-MAN OF THE BOARD (One or more players)
In an important meeting, players must try to covertly intersperse their chat with the lyrics of music icon Cher. A point is awarded for each lyric, with double points for I Got You Babe or Shoop Shoop. Winner is the player to mention the most titles without being caught by the meeting organiser. Loser – most likely – gets a verbal warning.

SPORTS TIPS: Advanced players can try playing with R Kelly (Bump N’ Grind), Black Sabbath (War Pigs) or Britney (entire back catalogue).

3. PAULA PEPERAMI! (Four or more players)
Easy to play guessing game, played over an afternoon. Players have to point at someone in the office, say their name and guess one object they have in the top drawer of their desk. 2 points for each correct guess, -3 for an incorrect one, and 15 points for a correctly guessed Peperami (classic Paula).

SPORTS TIPS: For vegetarians, try BARRY BABYBEL.

4. GRANDMA’S WHEELSPINS (Three or more players)
An alternative to Grandma’s Footsteps, players must pick a non-playing worker in the office and then proceed to glide towards them in their office chairs. If ‘Grandma’ looks up from her work then all players must freeze. If players are spotted, then they are out. If ‘Grandma’ suspects the game is in progress, then all players have failed and they must wheel away to their desk…or disciplinary meeting. Winner is the first to touch Grandma’s pen-pot.

SPORTS TIPS: Aim to disguise your freezes by acting like you are working, bored or “thinking out of the box”.

5. DESKTOP HOSTAGE (Two or more players)
Throughout the day, players must use stealth to steal family photos or toys from the other players’ desks and get them back to their own without being spotted. They must then call the victim’s extension number, disguise their voice and organise a swap of currency (paper clips) for their loved one. Winner has the most paperclips at the end of the day.

SPORTS TIPS: Be sure to double-check phone numbers before dialling, so to avoid accidentally telling Stan in accounts that you have his mother.

And that’s my round up of sports fit for the workplace. Got more? Comment below!